


missing minhyun.

by inmylife



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, VERY jonghyun-centric, can't get over aron petting jonghyun tbh, i was watching weekly idol today and this happened, the 2hyun can be romantic or not i don't care, why am i doing this to my bias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmylife/pseuds/inmylife
Summary: jonghyun breaks after weekly idol.





	missing minhyun.

**Author's Note:**

> me: oh i need to work on my college essays  
> also me: let's write some good old-fashioned nu'est angst

When they go on Weekly Idol again, Jonghyun can barely breathe.

  
2012, with Hello Venus. Minhyun had been beside him, checking in to make sure - you're okay? Everything's okay? 2014, with Fiestar. Jonghyun was more confident. He'd done it once before, he could do it again, and if he couldn't Minhyun was always there.

  
But this time Minhyun isn't here, and Jonghyun's hands shake and his breath comes in fits and starts and it takes Hyerin noona talking aimlessly at him for fifteen minutes about some game she thought he should try to get him back to himself again.

  
His members notice, of course they do, five years and it would be weird if they didn't. It's Aron hyung petting his shoulder throughout the broadcast; it's Minki helping with the ramyun; it's Dongho grabbing his hand when they finish filming and giving it a squeeze.

  
He's gotten good at hiding the anxiety, has Jonghyun, has gotten good at retreating into his JR personality once the cameras are on. Produce 101 nearly killed him, though, because the only moments where he could let it out were locked in a bathroom stall, and the only reason he survives Night Goblin is because Hyeongdon sunbaenim has anxiety too and Jonghyun can go to him between takes when he needs to.

  
Hyerin noona brought up predebut earlier, brought up little Jonghyun not looking his noonas in the eye and making himself ramyun twice a day. He hates that they had to talk about that but he's glad for Hyerin noona, glad that she didn't bring up the times she had to calm him down in the days before she debuted, because every time someone even tried to ask him to sing he would shut down, because it was so hard being the only boy and then being one of only two or three or four. Glad she sends him a message online when they get home, giving him her number, finally.

  
There's something about the Pristin kids, something in Yewon's eyes or in the set of Minkyung's shoulders or in Eunwoo's easy humor, that Jonghyun and his boys either never had or have long since lost. He sees it in Nayoung, too, sees her confidence, sees the lack of fear and uncertainty in her. He hopes, sincerely hopes, that they can have what Seventeen had, what Nu'est never did - success. Bright, shining success, and to never have to go on another survival show in their lives.

  
The four of them go back to the dorm that night. Jonghyun instantly opens his computer, sees Hyerin noona's message, adds her number. They text for ten or so minutes about dumb things, Han Donggeun made such a fool of himself today he really shouldn't hang around idols but he's a sweetheart nonetheless, but then Jonghyun looks up and sees Aron hyung cleaning.

  
Cleaning.

  
"It's weird to see it so… messy. Minhyun never let it get like this," he explains.

  
Something in Jonghyun twinges, and he turns off his phone, goes to his room. Locks the door.

  
Cries.

  
The tension in his body that's been building up since they reached the MBC building explodes, he finally lets himself truly feel what he's been trying to dam all day.

  
I'm not a good leader. I'm awkward on broadcast. If I had only been better we wouldn't have failed. If I had only been better we wouldn't have needed Produce 101. If I had only been better I wouldn't have lost Minhyun -

  
Because Jonghyun's lost him, really and truly lost him, is cut off from him for a whole year and then some without even the hope of a phone call. Because even though Jonghyun still has the others and Minhyun is really all alone, Minhyun is stronger, he'll miss his members but he'll make new friends, he might even be able to forget how much he misses them. Minhyun can hold himself together. Jonghyun could not, could never.

  
Jonghyun couldn't live without Aron or Dongho or Minki, but he really can't live without Minhyun. Anxiety pulses in his stomach as his shoulders shake. He can't go on broadcast anymore, really he can't, it's too much without Minhyun there to steady him before and during and after -

  
The door slams open.

  
Minki stands in front, holding a pin between two fingers. Dongho behind him, Aron last. It's their main vocal who finally crosses the gap, wrapping Jonghyun in his arms, making little shushes. The other members pile on the bed, and even drowning in this sea of emotion Jonghyun can tell how unnerved Minki is because their maknae hates when other people are upset and this is the worst Jonghyun has been in a while. Including the finale, because even though they were all a mess then it wasn't like this. Then, Jonghyun had found it in him to smile. Now, all he can do is cry in Dongho's arms, and slowly realize that even without Minhyun, his other members will make things okay, because that's what brothers are for.

**Author's Note:**

> not totally satisfied with this ending but ehhhh
> 
> "hyeongdon sunbaenim" = doni from weekly idol, who does actually have problems with anxiety. 
> 
> i see a lot of fic about minhyun missing his members but not as much about the rest of nu'est missing him, which does make sense but...
> 
> i get the feeling that aron's cleaning is his way of dealing with missing a member and that minki and dongho have their own ways which i don't really mention in this. might write a sequel to this focused on those two but idk.


End file.
